sick

 today i woke up coughing up mucus. did i start coughing in my sleep or did i wake up and immediately cough? i haven't yet figured that out, although i've woken up the same way every day this week.

this week, i was home sick. it was very quiet, besides my nose blowing. crumples of tissue paper are hidden like easter eggs around the house. in the corner of my bed, near the kitchen counter, and somehow one sitting on my record player, begging to be spun. 

to allow your body to completely give into lethargy is a wonderful feeling. i often push that desire away, but with sickness as an excuse you're free to be as slow as you want. my cat larry and i were on the same wave length. wake up, stretch, eat, sit on the couch for six hours, eat, poop, cuddle, sit on couch for six hours. but larry wasn't working from home like i was. larry wasn't creating zoom meetings and chiming in on what wordage we should use in our tweet. but i know larry would be good at that, maybe even better than me!

i got home late from work last night and immediately made a roux that turned into a deliciously creamy mac and cheese. with shells. 

a question i think about once a week: if i was on the bachelor, would i tell the producers i truthfully cannot be put on a date where they make me sky dive? life is uncertain. you do not know what your future holds. but luckily i know one hard truth about my life: i will never skydive. and that's fine. i actually don't think people who have skydived are so grateful they did it, and their life has totally changed because of it. so, when would i ever have to skydive? well, if i was a contestant on the bachelor. because let's be honest, if you are a contestant, and your date says "i've planned a special day. we are going up in that plane and jumping out." you cannot back out. if you back out, america hates you. they think its symbolic of you backing out of this relationship. they think you aren't willing to take risks, like moving to texas for the bachelor. they think you're weak. too weak to express your love for the bachelor. so you HAVE to get in the plane. you HAVE to jump out. and then tell the bachelor how you wouldn't have done that with anybody but him. he is the reason you jumped you. he gave you the confidence to know you'll be safe. i mean, it's ultimately the perfect date. anyway, i often think about, if i was on the bachelor, the likelihood of me getting the skydive date is pretty low. BUT, if i tell the producers, are they actually even more likely to put me on the skydive date to challenge me? for a perfect tv moment, the girl who cries and freaks out but then eventually gets on the plane because of the guy's motivating words? or better yet, the girl cries and freaks out and the bachelor really hates that she's not brave and sends her home. i think if i was on the bachelor i would ultimately not tell the producers and just try not to be super awesome and not get a one on one, and then once the skydive date happens i kick into high gear and be a great contestant.

good things are happening in my career. that is satisfying. my college roommate is now my literary manager. god isn't life crazy? listen up, it pays to be a good roomie. and by good roomie, i mean, i would nap from 8pm-12am, and then do homework from 12am-3am. because "that system actually worked better for me" lol. 

i have a flight in 3 weeks and im thinking about it a lot because i have an intense fear of flying. no offense to all aviation engineers but seriously i think we should be able to expel turbulence, i mean come on. its 2023... and a sweet girl is on a plane crying because it's shaking? that is not right. in my opinion.